The Tip Of The Iceberg

If it isn't obvious, that ginormous bump on the back of my hand isn't what you'd call natural. In addition to being really gross, that lump is one of the sources of all the issues I have had with my hand for the past seven years. As you can guess, being a right-handed artist with chronic right hand pain can be a wee bit bothersome aggravating okay, just lop the friggin' thing off above the wrist already and get me one of those titanium bionic hand dealies like the Terminator. After lots of doctor visits and nuclear-type tests that left me glowing green, (If I had been dropped out of a plane on Wednesday I would have taken out a city block) I have some answers. So, here is what a normal hand looks like on the inside.

The bump on my hand is called a carpal boss. It is excessive bone growth on the base of the third metacarpal and carpal bones. It's nasty. And it hurts like nuts because there is no cartridge between the joints where the extra bone has formed. Yuck. But let's not stop there. Oh no. Because that's not enough. In addition, the base of my third metacarpal is really messed up and jagged little bits of it are grinding against other joints and bones. Which BTW, feels great after say, shoveling the sidewalk, or you know, just sitting there. Now, I wasn't able to get pictures of my x-rays yet, but here's the gist of what things look like in there. I doubt you will be able to tell the difference between my representation and the actual CT scans.

So yep, you've guessed it, really screwed up hand = intense hand surgery. My options were either 'go under the knife' or just let it get worse and worse and grosser and grosser. So, in a few weeks I get to have three of those bones ground down and fused together with either plates or screws to form one massive bone of awesomeness. And after a quick eight to ten weeks of recovery and rehabilitation and several immobilizing casts, I'll be almost as good as new after another three to five months! Even though my art will have to take a long vay-cay, I've already come up with a list of things I can do with only one hand.

• Eat
• Poke Jeff
• Learn the left-handed half of sign language
• Eat
• Go Rear Window on my neighborhood
• Eat
• Poke Jeff some more

See. It won't be all bad. Well not for me. Maybe for Jeff though.