The Garden Experiment

It's gardening season! Or at least that's what I've read.

Lupines. Another fun surprise growing in my backyard. These are good for being oh-so-pretty.

Jeff and I have never had a garden before. Or planted something. Or cared for any living thing besides a dog. And dogs are easy, they pretty much take care of themselves. This is all especially concerning since we are expecting our first child in October. October 25th, to be exact. I'm hoping for a Halloween baby, because I like Halloween. It's probably my favorite holiday. Is that weird? Well, it's fitting, because I can't think of anything scarier than having a baby. Why aren't more people frightened of this? I'm terrified. And excited. These hormones are nuts. They make me lose my focus and train of thought all the time. And drop things. Lots of dropping things.

Okay, so I did a  quick scroll to the top of the paragraph, and now I remember what I was talking about. Gardening. Gardening is the topic. So Jeff and I thought it would be fun to plant a garden this year and see if we can do a good job taking care of it and making it grow. This is kind of like in 3rd grade, when we had to carry that hard boiled egg around for a week without dropping it or losing it to see if we could be responsible parents at the age of nine. I'm not sure, but I don't think I did very well. I do like hard boiled eggs, though.

Aaaaaand, back to gardening.

Well we're going to give this experiment another go, except with a garden. Maybe if we can plant and maintain a successful garden, we'll be pretty good parents. They're basically the same thing, right? Having a baby can't be all that different, really. So we read up, followed instructions, and got to planting. We have all the essential components for a perfect garden.

Lettuce for good eyesight. Oh wait, that's carrots. We didn't plant carrots. Does lettuce do anything?

Assorted peppers for the spicy. Habaneros for removing taste buds and increasing tear production.

'Maters. Good for salsa and for throwing at things/people when participating in an angry mob.

Opuntia humifusa (prickly pear cactus). Native to Minnesota. Yes, Minnesota has cacti. I'm surprised you didn't know that. These are good for general bewilderment. I probably won't eat this.

Finished product also includes cucumbers, squash, and onions. Tiny fence to keep out varmints. Foolproof!

Eddie. Assigned to additional pest control and vigilant backyard protector duty. Currently at war with squirrel.

So we're all set. Hopefully we will see some sprouts in a few weeks. If not, I'll most likely be having a panic attack in a closet somewhere. But it's really no biggie if it doesn't work out. I'm sure the hospital will give us a child instruction manual or something. I've heard kids come with those.